August 21, 2012 ...

                                        My devotional thoughts were directed to Psalm 42 this morning, and the questions were pointed.  “Why ARE you cast down oh my soul?”  and the directive to hope in God , given twice.  In the middle of the Psalmist reminds himself of the love Yahweh …the one who keeps covenants:  giving love by day and songs by night.  No matter how much I hurt … no matter how messy I feel like this is… no matter how much I still miss my parents even at my age, Jesus is here.  I think that may be one implication of deep calling to deep … when we think we’re drowning in grief and sadness, God is deeper and He is there to catch us … “deep calls to deep” (vs. 7).  As an unknown author said, “there is no pit so deep, but God is not deeper still.”  And maybe it’s time I asked the Father to sing me a song or two.  I hear He has  a lovely voice.

August 5, 2012

Today was a hard day. I can’t explain why.  It just was. I woke up wanting to cry and it went downhill from there. God graciously gave control where it was needed.   I’ve had a good weekend overall.  I don’t understand the sadness.  This evening Pastor Wilburn spoke from Psalm 73. There was a quote from Spurgeon, that in essence said, “God permits sometimes permits  difficult things in our lives not so much to burn out the dross, but to burn in the promises.” That resonated with me … I know I’m not perfect, but in these days of loss, I faced so much guilt … that promises have become foreign. I pray that in these hours promises can be burned into my heart and mind.  Whenever I’ve faced trials in the past, it never occurred to me that God was trying to burn his promises into this chronic worrier.  Pastor went onto quote George Matheson , a blind preacher of Scotland, giving another take on pain and loss,

"My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn. I have been looking forward to a world where I shall get compensation for my cross; but I have never thought of my cross as itself a present glory. Teach me the glory of my cross; teach me the value of my thorn. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbows."Amen. (Wilburn, Salem Baptist, 8/5/2012)

God meets us at when we need Him … when we seek Him …He is there.

August 4, 2012

Two entries today since I missed yesterday …

Grandpa’s Candy Cabinet

Memories are funny things. They can evoke both laughter  and tears; more often than not I have been experiencing the latter.  I guess it’s the nature of grief and the way healing goes. I have been reading books dealing with grief lately and one of the points made is that often the more deeply we loved, the more deeply we will grieve. It’s how things are.  I had the privilege of spending some time with a friend today.  Being with her recalled some memories from childhood.  One of those memories was Grandpa’s candy cabinet.  My maternal grandfather had an insatiable sweet tooth. To satisfy that sweet tooth, he kept an assortment of candy readily available... orange slices, chocolates, hard candy, bucket candy at Christmas... you name it, it was likely there.  It was, however, locked away in a china cabinet.  We grandchildren would often ask, usually after Sunday lunch, ”Grandpa, can we have some candy? “ He would take his keys, unlock the cabinet, and into our outstretched, expectant hands, drop a few morsels. There was one Saturday, when I was too sick to leave the house.  I was spending the day languishing on couch in our den.  Grandpa was over at the house for a meeting related to the church.  He brought me some of his treasured chocolate stars from his cabinet, because he thought they would soothe my throat.  I was touched by this gesture of kindness by my otherwise reserved grandfather.   Why this memory today?  Maybe God knew that I needed to be reminded once again of the love that surrounded my family so that my heart be not overwhelmed with sorrow.  Love is of God.  The love that has existed in my family trans- generationally is a gift that only He can give. May I rest in His embrace and its blanket of memories during these days of grieving. 

So Run

I was watching the Olympics this evening and the utter elation with which the winners received and embraced their medals.  I was reminded of these words by the Apostle Paul  in I Corinthians 9: ²⁴ Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! ²⁵ All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.” (NLT).  There have been times in recent days that I have been tempted to despair of life itself., but watching those athletes just now reminded me that I am running a race … for an eternal prize … I want the gold in that day.  Even though we say we live for an audience of One, Hebrews 11 plainly tells us that we have an audience in the heavenlies cheering us on.  I can’t disappoint them either.  To the finish line! Sola Deo Gloria!

August 2, 2012

I’m beginning to understand why the man from Gadara dwelt among the tombs.  After work today, I needed to run an errand that took me by the cemetery where Mom and Dad are buried. We opted for traditional burials, because when making the choice the mausoleum reminded me too much of a filing cabinet.  There was a purpose to my visit … I wanted to be sure the marker was done to my satisfaction.  The aura of graveyard is hopelessness … that must have been why the man spent his life among the tombs … until Jesus came.  The cool thing about where my parents are buried is that there is a huge cross …. They are essentially resting in the shadow of the cross until the trumpet sounds and we are once again reunited to be with our Savior. Our Moravian brethren have sought to redeem the idea of death and the grave by calling their graveyards “God’s Acre.”   Over many Moravian cemeteries are arches with the inscription “Till the day breaks and the shadows flee away” Song of Solomon 2:17.  I’ve often remarked that I’m thankful that I was reared in the Christian and Missionary Alliance … I learned to love Missions and developed a passion for God’s work worldwide in that small denomination. I’m glad I spent my adult years in Baptist ("with a lower case b") circles, it was there I developed the theology to solidify my assurance of salvation and develop my own walk with God.  For some crazy reason I want to die a Moravian …because they seem to die with the praises of Jesus on their lips.

 Here is one of the standard Moravian Hymns:

Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness
my beauty are, my glorious dress;
'Midst flaming worlds, in these arrayed,
with joy shall I lift up my head.

Bold shall I stand in Thy great day,
For who ought to my charge shall lay?
Fully absolved through these I am,
From sin and fear, from guilt and shame.

Lord, I believe Thy precious blood,
Which, at the mercy seat of God,
Forever doth for sinners plead,
For me, e'en for my soul, was shed.

When from the dust of death I rise
To claim my mansion in the skies,
E'en then shall this be all my plea,
Jesus hath lived, hath died for me!

O let the dead now hear Thy voice!
Now bid Thy ransomed ones rejoice!
Their beauty this, their glorious dress,
Jesus, the Lord our Righteousness.

By: Count  Nicolaus Ludwig von Zinzendorf

Trans: John Wesley

August 1, 2011

August 1, 2012

Sometimes I feel I pass my days in a stupor. I get up, dress, go to work, come home, go to bed, live life between, do whatever, go to bed.  Life goes on.  The Psalms of Ascent have given me a yearning for something more.  I share something with these pilgrims in terms of loss … maybe not in degree, but all loss brings a sense of confusion and abandonment.  In Psalm 126 the pilgrims have shed this utter sense of loss, because Jehovah God has delivered them.  Their weeping has turned to joy.  During this time of, God wants me, above all, to immerse myself in His Word; for that is where my hope is found.

                 Jesus came forth with as the captives’ deliverer’

                  To my grief-stricken heart, he offered peace

                 Now He holds me fast; I stand firm as the mountains;

                 I know in His presence, my heart finds release.