Seeing God through the Pain

It has been a challenging seven months. In early September I fell out bed striking my head on the bedside table – I think that’s all I struck. At least that what was the focal point of concern because I was dazed and had a nice sized goose egg on my forehead; that plunged me into weeks of severe headaches. Let me tell pain affects one’s thinking and reasoning abilities. We finally found the right balance of pain killers when I took another tumble in early December. That messed with my overall sense of well-being and gave me another knot on my head.

 In early January I had pain in my foot; it was discolored and swollen , but because I was beginning to feel like a very high maintenance patient (we had been around the world with both head injuries), I decided to bear with it. As the pain grew more intense and the foot grew bigger and more discolored, I asked a colleague who teaches PE to take a look at it – her words were “go to the doctor; I think you have a blood clot.”  She was spot-on and now I take what my dad jokingly called “rat poison.”  As I was contending with the foot, also noticed a pain in my right arm, but again reluctant to call the doctor, I decided to treat it myself. When I finally broke down and called my doctor, his assistant asked me, when I revealed my self-treatment plan, “Are you a doctor?”

 Smart aleck that I am, I replied, “well as a matter of fact I am.”  Eye roll – “not THAT kind of a doctor.”

Tests were to follow –X-rays –Nerve Conduction Studies – EMGS-More X-rays-MRI- then we had diagnosis – I have a torn rotator cuff.  Now I know why the pain. Surgery is forthcoming.

I have a raw fear – the fear of being alone when it hurts. Fear of not being able to move because I am alone. I hate pain – I fear pain taking over my life and obscuring my view of God, I maintain a daily quiet time, but there are dark nights of my soul when I long for a mere glimpse of His glory. We were talking about that with the children tonight in Praise Factory. Much of Moses’ suffering was born out of the complaining Israelites. Then God hid him in the cleft of the rock and passed by – we don’t know what he saw, but it lifted him to new heights.  He saw the full glory of God when he saw taken to heaven after death, but Moses reflected some of that glory on earth when his face was veiled and after death on the Mount of Transfiguration when he appeared with the Lord Jesus in all of His glory. There on the Mount brightness and glory of Christ was reflected in Moses and Elijah.

These last months have been tough. There were days I could scarcely muster a smile, but I want the glory of Christ to be reflected in me in spite of … because of … even through my pain.  May Jesus Christ be praised.