At Last ... Christ Alone

At Last … Christ Alone

As I mentioned in previous posts, I was born into a family of God-fearing God-lovers. I realize that my description sounds like an oxymoron, but that is the best description I can give of them – they loved the Lord unabashedly and sought ways to please Him in the milieu of life. Although we seldom had family devotions, our lives were permeated with Biblical truth.  I mentioned earlier that as a preschooler, I prayed a salvation prayer and was baptized not long afterward.  The problem was that I got entangled in the notion that I had to do something to prove to God that I was worth saving, when he had already declared me worth it, when I trusted Jesus for Salvation.

I was like a person who given a mansion free of charge with lifetime rights to live there. Not only that, but utilities and food were providedfor that same time.  Additionally, she had vehicle service and clothes throughout her lifetime.  All her needs were met and many of wishes were granted. It was the life that many only dream of, and it was hers free and simple. Yet each month, she dutifully wrote out a $10 check to her benefactor to “help” with expenses.  How insulting, and yet that is how my relationship (or lack thereof) with God went. I tried to do everything I thought He would want to reimburse Him for my Salvation and hope it was enough. Therefore, around the age of ten, I began to have serious doubts about my salvation. Yet, I kept my struggles a secret, because good children did not doubt their salvation.

At age fourteen, I began to earnestly pray for assurance of salvation and then to talk about my doubts, but to no avail.  Everyone pointed to my goodness, and I became a self-righteous snob but still wondered if I could ever do enough to merit God’s favor. I kept praying for assurance and kept insisting that I be baptized but was dogged by doubts.  It was in 1986, while I was reading the Bible that I realized that Christ had died the death that I deserved to die, and I believed.  As I have grown in understanding – I realize that Jesus lived the perfect life I could never live (even though I tried) and that He died the death I deserved to die.  When I trusted Him, this was credited to my account. I am saved.  So, when was I saved?  I think this most likely occurred in childhood, but for some reason, I never grasped the meaning of grace. It took many years of struggle, but my God is wonderfully patient.

Today I am so glad that I have chosen to walk in grace and that my trust for my eternity and present relationship with God is in Christ alone.  I can put my head on my pillow at night and know that I am His and my eternity is secure. The past few years have been challenging, but this I know I never walk alone. My heart is fixed … my hope is sure… my eyes are on my Savior and my Lord.  What more can I ask? 

Are you sure?  If not, I would be happy to point you to my Savior.