Hope in the Hard Times

Hope in the Hard Times

I would like to think I inherited my mother’s kind way with people – her love for Christ—her grounded wisdom and a myriad of other qualities that exude Christ.  I did inherit something from her that is causing me grief in my later middle-aged years.  I have her poor circulation and propensity to produce clots; there are likewise hints of some of the heart problems that plagued her throughout her life.
I experienced my first clot in 2014.  My foot really hurt and exhibited a number of other symptoms. A friend advised me to go the doctor and I did.  I was on blood thinners for several months and we thought it was over.

 Then in August of this year -- my leg started swelling and I began to cough.   I kept promising my friends I would go to the doctor – but it was a wearisome process.  I had been to several appointments beginning with an ER visit where nothing was detected and I did not want another dead end street.  Finally I surrendered, kept my promises and paid my PCP [1] a visit.  It wasn’t what I was expecting; when all the tests were in I was found to have DVT[2] and PE.[3]   Later he would say there were multiple clots in multiple places. I suppose I was walking around like a ticking time bomb, but my physician agreed to treat me as an outpatient provided I kept to my regimen of anti-coagulants. This week he added to it a modified work schedule.  He kept telling me I was lucky and I attempted to tell him that God was taking care of me.  I know it’s true, because he reiterated the seriousness of my situation this week.
For the past several weeks, my pastor has been teaching through the book of I Peter through the lens of hope.  One concept that the Lord has brought home to me through his teaching and this experience is not to plead for the removal of pain and discomfort, but rather to find a place to glorify God in the midst of the pain.  On that Sunday, I never knew what I was about to face – the next day I landed in the ER (the people who sent me were bigger and far more hardheaded than I).  The result of that visit was non-consequential. Some of the symptoms I was experiencing were only exacerbated in the days following.  I made a crucial mistake – I ignored mounting systems and procrastinated visiting my PCP- I’ve developed an aversion for the whole medical process.  When I finally called I was in serious trouble medically but did not know it – he did tests just in case and the just in case made all the difference.   God sovereignly and graciously directed the events of my life.    It has been a struggle for the past few weeks, I have been very tired, had what we think was a mild reaction to the Coumadin, and at times struggled from day to day. [4]
My one desire has been to glorify God in the midst of this trial – I do this by continuing to work and teach, but also by admitting when I can’t go any further and then by living by the doctor’s parameters.  I glorify God by allowing those within the Body of Christ to assist me – He made us one so the stronger could care for the weaker. I glorify God by continuing to read His Word and pray – so that my soul may flourish even when the body fails. I glorify God by trusting Him in this dark time – He cares for me even in the dark – even when it hurts and even though I may never know why.   And that’s enough for me.

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[1] Primary Care Physician

[2] Deep Vein Thrombosis

[3] Pulmonary Embolism

[4] My apologies for the reiteration of some parts of this saga