But Father What ARE You Saying?

But Father What ARE You Saying?

C.S. Lewis penned the words “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” I was a cherished child, but I was also  a gratefully passive child. I had great difficulty articulating my desires. Despite this trait, throughout most of my life I have known the voice of God through my pleasures. Life has been good … almost too good.  My conscience, strong yet sensitive was awakened early in my life; the voice has been often deafeningly disturbing. I have worried about EVERYTHING.  For not only has God spoken through my conscience; the enemy of our souls has hissed through my conscience his tales of deceit. For years though, it would seem God has been shouting through my pain.  This begs the question, “But Father What ARE You Saying?”

As I seek to ascertain the voice of God in this milieu of pain it occurs to me that perhaps He is shouting for me to take note of which He is—He is faithful. As the pain deepens and there is no recourse or relief, the path seems to grow darker, but God is there. This is a silly illustration and somewhat out of context. I was watching a movie about a boy, his dog, and his attitude which arose out of a heart of pain. His grandfather whose expertise appears to be ill disguised tough love obtains the dog for him because he “needs a friend.”   There comes a day when in series of really bad choices emerging from that pain within, he leaves his canine friend by the side of the road to go fishing with a group of juvenile delinquents.  It is through that experience he learns the meaning of loyal love as his canine companion “stays” where he was left despite a torrential rain storm.  He and his grandfather retrieve the drenched dog amidst a torrent of tears—perhaps for the first time in his life, the boy understands loyal love that will not leave him.  This loyal love would be proven once more when the dog would attempt to cross a busy thoroughfare to come the aid and defense of his young master.  In my journey with pain, I have done incredibly stupid things and thought incredibly stupid thoughts. Yet through this megaphone as Lewis calls it, God is shouting, “I am faithful. My loyal love will pursue where you go and will not let you go.”

The voice of God cries out along with David, “Let your heart be undivided.”   For years I have feared being alone at the end of my life. I never married, but I always worried about my parents.  Worry divides the heart and mind. Worry is essentially misplaced fear which leads to misplaced worship … God’s megaphone of pain is sounding forth, “Unite your heart to fear my name” (Psalm 86: 11. Actually it’s the prayer of David that God would unite his heart, but it is often pain that drives us to the point that we utter such a prayer.

God’s megaphone of pain reminds us that we can’t do life on our own – that we absolutely and undeniably dependent upon Him as He shouts from Scripture, “without Me you can do nothing (John 15:5)”.  Pain puts us there – helpless and in need of another to succor… to bolster… to mend our flagging faith.

Yes, my pain reminds me that I need a Savior not only from my sin, not only from my fear, not only from my great propensity to do life on my own --- but at the my deepest level from myself.