Friday, December 29, 2017

Christmases Past



Christmases  Past

      There are times when I attend gatherings where we share our most memorable Christmases. There is not one in particular, but there are several.  I think those that stand out in my memory are there because there is a tinge of sadness associated with them.  ‘The first is when I was seven.  My paternal grandfather was in the hospital with internal bleeding (or that’s how I remember it). He had always been a somewhat heavy man – when I was a toddler and preschooler, he was my elephant and would get down on all fours and give me a ride to the front door when it was time to go home. We were worried, but he did recover. He even saw that I received an AM transistor radio. While in the hospital, our pastor visited him and he made a profession of faith, i.e. “prayed the prayer,” but there was little if any growth in the ensuing years. How thankful I am that God sees and knows the heart.
      The next memorable Christmas came when I was 11.  That year it was my maternal grandfather who was hospitalized.  (There is an earlier blogpost about it – Christmas Redeemed).  He had severe diverticulitis, requiting surgery and a colostomy, which would later be reversed. There were many anxious days, but this scenario was different.  Both grandma and grandpas had a strong faith in Christ, and though these days were not easy, in fact many were sad and difficult, the presence of Jesus was real.
      The next memorable Christmas would occur in 1979, my senior year in college.  That, in itself, is not significant. However, the events that occurred leading up to that Christmas made it so. In October of that year, my paternal grandfather passed away after a four-year battle with cancer – first colon cancer and then leukemia. Then in early December, my mom,  my maternal grandmother, and I were on our way to a church event.  We were discussing the state the scarf that I wore around my neck when suddenly my grandmother’s speech became garbled.  I shouted, “Grandma” and she replied in garbled speech, “Oh go on where you’re going… I’m all riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.” Of course, we didn’t listen to her. Mom, being a health care professional, immediately turned the car around and headed for the emergency room at the hospital. A doctor she knew was standing nearby. Mom jumped out of the car and ran to him with the words, “Dr. Storey, I think Mother has had a stroke.”  Grandma was given immediate medical attention, but she was largely unresponsive.  On Christmas day, Mom, Dad, my paternal grandmother and I were all gathered around the table for Christmas dinner.  Dad returned thanks and he praised the Lord that He was in control of all the events of our lives.  Grandma would live a few more weeks there in the hospital, but was called to Heaven before the family had to make the difficult decision of a long-term care facility. Truly the Lord was in control; His mercies abounded.

      These are a few of the many where God’s glory shone brightly into the darkness of our circumstances. I have learned that life does not always go as we planned, but Our God is there. He will not fail, and His love that never gives up, never runs out will engulf those who trust Him.  I am so thankful I have placed my trust in Him. 

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Stand by Me

Stand by Me

The African -American Pastor Charles A. Tindley wrote the gospel song “Stand By Me” for a congregation who knew what it was to suffer. Many of them had been born and raised in atmosphere of slavery, and Tindley wanted to point them to the one who could alleviate their pain.  Here are the lyrics to his song:
When the storm of life is raging / Stand by me / When the storm of life is raging
 Stand by me / When the world is tossing me / Like a ship upon the sea Thou                      who rulest wind and water / Stand by me
In the midst of tribulation / Stand by me / In the midst of tribulation / Stand by       me / When the hosts of hell assail / And my strength begins to fail / Thou who never lost a battle / Stand by me
In the midst of faults and failures / Stand by me / In the midst of faults and    failures / Stand by me / When I do the best I can / And my friends misunderstand / Thou who knowest all about
me / Stand by me
When I'm growing old and feeble / Stand by me / When I'm growing old and     feeble / Stand by me / When my life becomes a burden / And I'm nearing chilly Jordan / O Thou "Lily of the Valley" / Stand by me. (https://www.negrospirituals.com/songs/stand_by_me.htm)
I can honestly say that I have never known suffering to the magnitude that many of his parishioners faced.  Neither have I known the pain and inconvenience that many believers face worldwide because they own the name of Christ.  Yet, by God’s design I have walked and walking my own valley of pain and loneliness. These past two days have been no exception. Due to the nature of this post, I focus on the events of today.  
I had a dental crisis that necessitated the extraction of a tooth.  I have only had teeth extracted twice in my life.  The last time was for my wisdom teeth at age 15 and I was out cold. The oral surgeon knew it was the only way. The other time was when I was nine and my mother was there to hold my hand throughout the procedure.  I shared those two times with the dental assistant/nurse.  As I was really missing my mother, I realized that there was One who is even nearer to me than mother was that day. Jesus, my Savior was there to stand by me and as the procedure began, I had enough awareness to cry out and say, in my heart, “Stand by me, Lord Jesus.”  I had no visualization of His physical presence, but I knew He was there.
I know that the coming years will bring increased pain and physical weakness.  I am grateful that I have a Savior who will stand by me. I am grateful that the Body of Christ is coming alongside me and that the Lord is giving me the grace to say, “Yes, I do need assistance in this area.”

In these years of life … I know I have One who will stand by me.  Selah and Amen! 

Monday, July 31, 2017

My Mother...My Hero



My Mother … My Hero
On July 31, 1935, Miriam Chatmon (nee Alspaugh) was born. She was one of ten, but the unique thing about her birth was that she had two sisters who were born on the same day, Mary who was 6 years older and Rebekah was 12 years older.  Miriam grew up during the latter years of the great depression. She was frequently referred to as “Daddy’s boy” since she helped him with chickens and especially with the weekly cleaning of the coops. The family attended the small Alliance Church in the city, and Miriam came to full assurance of her salvation at Youth for Christ rally.  She intended to become a missionary nurse with her denomination, and began to pursue that path.  When she had, the physical required to become a nurse, the attending physician scoffed, “Your heart is too damaged … too enlarged. You will never meet the rigors of nursing.”  Yet, she did.  As for becoming a missionary, the Lord had other plans.  As she was finishing her training and beginning her career, two things happened. First, her older brother’s health began to deteriorate from advanced Crohns and other issues, and she was needed at home. Second, a young single man appeared on the scene and ultimately, they started dating. This dating/courtship led to marriage … his proposal was simple and direct, “Do you love me enough to marry me?”  She said, “Yes.” Questions and eyebrows were raised in the wake of this development, but it demonstrates a simple truth—Never question the leading of God in a person’s life who is committed to following Him.”
Mom and Dad continued following Jesus and pursuing God’s plan for their lives. They attended the small church where Mom had grown up.  I might add for clarification that Daddy had come to faith in Christ at a different Youth for Christ meeting, several years before Mom did.  Their passion was to serve those in ministry and to reach children who did not know Jesus. It was in this environment that I was reared.  Missionaries and other ministry leaders were constantly in our home, and my life is richer for it.  Amid this service mindset, mom’s body continued to weaken. Yet she loved her Savior, her family, her church and her friends. When her heart condition claimed her life or as I prefer to think of it released her to Heaven, my own heart was shattered.  Yet there are take aways from her life that have become my legacy. First, God oversees when we leave planet earth, not the doctors, not disease – but God.  Her life testifies to this as she had many times of critical illness when we knew the end had come, but God was in charge. Second, pain and limitations do not define us. If we have trusted Christ as Savior, then our identity is firmly in his care and control. Mom lived and worked with pain and exhaustion, but it was for God’s glory and in his strength.  Third, Mom loved completely and unselfishly. My goal and desire is to be half the woman of God that she was.  Fourth, I am more grateful then ever for the home of Heaven. Until then, I pursue life in Jesus and the knowledge of the Father and His will.  God is truly good all the time.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Moving Day...A Sort of Memoir


This was written, June 2014 and updated today as I contemplate Daddy's home going on May 12, 2012. 

Moving Day

Moving Day … the phrase conjures up a plethora of emotions… excitement … happiness … a bit of melancholy and yes overt sadness.  I experienced my first moving day when I was 18 months old; it really wasn’t all that traumatic. I wasn’t that shaken by it. All that mattered is that Mommy and Daddy were going as well. We were moving from a tiny house at the end of a boulevard to a more developing neighborhood with children and the neighborhood school – standard of the late 1950’s and early 1960’s.  We remained in that house until issues with my health necessitated another move; so moving day came at the end of my first grade year. The plan was to sell and build. We sold, but then needed a place to live until our house was complete. In the ensuing months we moved traveling light – we lived in a basement apartment, in a house vacated by friends who were passing the summer in Canada, and ultimately with my maternal grandparents.  According to my paternal grandmother this move took its toll on my six year old emotions despite the fact the fact I was with mommy and daddy every step of the way. She reports that on one overnight visit with her, I drew a picture of a bluebird singing “Sweet Cathy Wants a Home.”  We were nicely settled in our home, but five years later in the providence of God it was time for another move.  I was not happy even though I would have my parents, but I was resistant to the change and upheaval in my life that I knew would result.  With this moving day I began to wall my heart closed.  When we finally got into the house, we passed a miserable winter. My mom began to show signs of her congenital heart disease.  My dad was miserable and somewhat fearful not only of her heath, but also of his own.  I had bought into lies about my relationship with God and was slowly imploding spiritually and emotionally. We blamed the house – erroneous thinking, but hurting people frequently need a scapegoat.  In all of the pain, God had a plan.  Our church had just taken on a second staff member and wanted a place for him and his family. Our property backed up to the church property. Would we consider selling our house and land to the church? We discussed it as a family – another moving day was in our future.  We lived in a trailer while we renovated a barn. That was home for the next for the next 30 years.  For my mom it was a few less – for she stepped straight into Heaven from her bedroom – now that was some moving day.  Three years  after her home going we sold our house to the church with an ever expanding staff. Packing up the memories … loading our stuff. Coming to a condo. Then Daddy  had his moving day from ICU and Palliative care – I know he was glad to leave that baggage behind.  Now I’ve downsized again. Perhaps today was one of the most painful of all.  I’m letting go of stuff that has a lifetime of memories attached to it. I don’t have Mommy and Daddy to go through this with me, but I have someone better. Someone eternal. Anything I’ve left or lost in previous moves is transient – temporal and earthbound. My heart and eyes must be set on that ultimate move --- with no strings keeping me here.
It is now 2017 and the longings and missings are just as keen as ever.  I can not ... I will not dissolve into endless grief.  I promised that I would not.  I want to honor their memory by living a life that glorifies God,  so that when we are reunited in the presence in Heaven, I can face Jesus, Mommy, and Daddy unashamed and with great joy.

Monday, May 1, 2017

My NF Declaration



My NF Declaration

Yesterday I posted a picture on my Facebook wall commemorating the fact  that May is NF awareness month. I have what is known  as NF 1.   NF1 is an abbreviation for neurofibromatosis 1, a genetic disorder that occurs when there is an abnormality on chromosome 17.  There are other variations of neurofibromatosis. This link gives a brief description of each one: https://nfcenter.wustl.edu/what-is-nf//.   I have battled symptoms of this for most of my life. I have detailed   some of these in other places. One of the greatest challenges I face is chronic pain and balance issues. My parents were a tremendous support in all of this, but they are in Heaven now. I am learning that God is enough.  Last week while reading James 1: 9-12, the Lord impressed on me to write my declaration of perseverance, as a nod to Calvin’s belief in the perseverance of the saints, which is far more than a term related to eternal salvation.  It also is a means of pressing on to the glory of God in the face of pain and adversity.
My declaration begins with four declarative statements:
1.     I will keep going in the face of chronic pain.
2.     I will refuse to dwell on thoughts of bailing on life.
3.     I will not allow self-pity to overtake me.
4.     I will walk through life with the assurance that He is enough.
It continues with a statement of resolution:  Resolved, I will not cave on days when chronic pain is my companion. I will not commiserate, seek sympathy or otherwise undermine what God is doing in my life. I will not seek healing, because I know that God is doing something bigger in my life, and that Heaven and wholeness await me. I will not allow self-pity to dominate my thoughts.  I will not dwell on the fact that Mom and Dad are in Heaven and not by my side. As I walk through life, I will bear with the pain; I will allow the body of Christ to come alongside of me to embrace and assist me. Yet, I will not become a demanding leech.  I will look to my Savior for comfort; I will dwell in His Word; I will trust; I will revel in the thought that God is enough, and that He is my constant companion. I will rest when my capacity to function mentally and physically is marred and diminished by pain. I will trust, because God knit me together in my mother’s womb. He knew that my chromosomes would go awry, and He chose to glorify Himself despite that malfunction.  In the words of Thomas Kelly,
                   “Keep us Lord, O keep us cleaving
                     To Thyself and still believing
                     Till the hour of our receiving
                     Promised joys from Thee”  (Praise the Savior: hymnary,org).

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Easter Musings





Easter Musings

This week the thoughts of the Christian church have turned to the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I have examined those events anew in my personal devotional time, but this morning I was drawn to the seven statements spoken by our Lord as He hung on the cross. Two of them, in particular, resonated with me.
First, was the cry of abandonment when He cried, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34) As Jesus bore the sin of a sinful humanity, the Father turned His back on His Son and the world was shrouded in darkness. Jesus faced that abandonment so that I would never have to face it.  Psalm 27:10 states, “For my father and mother have forsaken me but the Lord will take me in” (ESV).  I lived most of my life with the fear that my parents would die, and it eventually happened.  I was overwhelmed with loneliness and despair. I have written of those days in another blogpost.  The word “forsake” in Psalm 27:10 can mean “to go on before” or it can mean the outright leaving of another person (Logos Bible Software). The result is the same – a person is left alone, and that was the sense that I had.   As He hung on the cross, Jesus was praying the words of Psalm 22:1.  A careful comparison of the word forsake in Psalm 22:1 and 27:10 demonstrates that it is a derivative of the same word. There on the cross, Jesus faced abandonment by the Father so that I could claim His presence in the darkest hours of my loneliness, pain, and uncertainty. 
Second, I noted the cry of hope when in the concluding moments of His life, Jesus prayed, “Father, into Your hands I commit my Spirit” (Luke 23:46). In the Transformation Study Bible, Wiersbe comments that tradition holds that this was a prayer uttered by Jewish children at bedtime.  It would somewhat analogous to our “Now I lay me down to sleep…” I never liked the singsongy prayer, but it holds a word, of truth for the child of God. He can be trusted to take those who trust Him safely home to Heaven. In the closing moments of His life, Jesus reflected a hope and confidence in the Father as that prayer became a sigh even a cry of victory.
With Sunday morning, would come the resurrection of Christ – God’s “Amen” to the work and prayers of Christ on the cross.  His resurrection gives me hope, companionship, and assurance no matter what I face and I lift my voice in the cry of victory ….” He is risen…He is risen indeed.”


[1] Logos Bible Software. Exegetical Guides.